40. Permission not to
Some days you can simply have a mind that is full to capacity, that has no new space for thoughts, ideas or creativity.
Today is that day for me. I've spent it mulling over what I can share today, how to engage, what might be helpful insights or wisdom in this current time.
I'm left with nada, zip, nothing left in the bag.
I could trot out something rote, but I know it wouldn't be thoughtful. So i feel it's important to honour where I am, where we often are but will not put our hands up and own – fear of retribution, judgement, letting others down – the list can be long.
Instead I'm using this insight to sit and ask myself what it is that's happened. I think I'm simply tired, my brain is in overdrive a lot of the time, much I'm sure like many of you.
But I can't walk my talk if I drive through this, so instead I want to simply hold my hands out and offer to you what acceptance is looking like for me today.
I am choosing not to strive and in turn stress over offering up something of value, I am consciously letting go of the judgemental thoughts around the fact my internal computer has royally said no, and I am trusting in myself that tomorrow will be a different day. I am using curiosity to explore what this acknowledgement feels like – a little bit scary, a definite undertone of guilt, a nagging inner critic calling me a slacker, but a stronger emotion that simply says 'enough'.
So today I guess if anything is a demonstration of mindfulness in the moment, how leaning into and accepting, the other side of me would push against this struggle and try and drive through it, today I'm trying something that feels a little bit scary and outside of my comfort zone.
What situations or experiences have you really wanted to simply say no to, but don't give yourself permission to?
What might acceptance look like for you? What words of comfort or wisdom can you afford yourself, and what kindness can you offer up to that?
I have used mindfulness to reach this decision today, I tuned into the emotions that were present, noticed that I was struggling to gather in the thoughts of my scattered mind and, that mentally I had no energy. So I've parked my ass in the garden I'm feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, I'm holding a mug of coffee in my hand and feeling the cool tinge to the breeze. That is what mindfulness, today, for me, looks like.
How does it look for you? What might you need to do today that simply allows yourself to be exactly as you need to be? Let me know.
Taking care comes in many forms.